Recently, a woman filed a lawsuit in Virginia when her children kicked her out of her home. Her home was an in-law apartment attached to her daughter’s home. The woman had made substantial financial contributions in order to have it built. For the four years she lived there, she paid rent and utilities and also contributed to the cost of installing a backyard swimming pool for the family. Not only was being “kicked out” shocking, it created many hard feelings and disappointments.
The fact that this matter ended up in court is sad, but serves as an important lesson for seniors. So often seniors will make informal agreements with family members. It is only natural that family members would try to help each other out. Many times a child will take an elderly parent into her home if things get too expensive for the parent or if the parent needs some help getting around. The parent is given peace of mind knowing that she is with loved ones.
But, informal arrangements, where it may not be clear to one side or another what is fully expected, can lead to misunderstandings, frustrations, hurt and anger. When things do not work out as either side had planned, the stress can be too much. Sometimes overly drastic steps are taken, such as “kicking Mom out of the house.”
That is why Elder Law attorneys stress the importance of having a Family Agreement in place. A Family Agreement is a legal document which spells out what is expected from all parties to the Agreement. By spending time putting into writing the exact terms of what each party will do, a foundation is laid for a clear understanding of what matters the Agreement covers and what matters it does not.
A Family Agreement would spell out such things as who will pay the rent, who will pay the utilities and what would happen if an illness leads to a greater level of care, such as assisted living or a temporary or permanent stay in a nursing home. Depending on the specific circumstances of the family, other terms would be spelled out in a Family Agreement such as, who will provide transportation to medical appointments and who will provide meal preparations.
When considering a Family Agreement, family members who want to help a parent, should be aware of their own stress levels and other needs. Considering what to do with Mom when the family wants to go on vacation, so as not to worry about Mom’s safety, is something that would be spelled out in a Family Agreement. By anticipating the “what if” scenarios, conflicts can be avoided if a crisis situation arises.
A well-thought out and well-crafted Family Agreement will not guarantee that family members will not end up in court, but it does go a long way in preventing unrealistic expectations from all parties involved. This legal document also protects those in the Agreement from other family members who are not a part of the Agreement from questioning why certain decisions have been made about the senior.
